Top 6 Common Mistakes Young Couples Do
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Being in a relationship is not always butterflies in the stomach. It is never how we girls imagined it to be, it is definitely not like the fairy tales which I have to learn the hard way. F*ck disney for teaching us the words "happily ever after" when happy ending doesn't even exist! Okay, okay! I should stop there, before this blog entry end up being a rant. haha! Anyway I guess what I'm trying to say is, a relationship is an ongoing process, it is not a destination. Both parties should do their part in making the relationship work, it is a full time job for both to understand and make eachother happy.
Currently, I am not in a happy place with my relationship. I feel like I am a psychiatrist always trying to figure things out and understand my partner, it is really very hard to try and understand a person who doesn't even want you to understand him/her. Yes, we are going through a rough time right now. We are currently in a process of learning more about eachother, things we did not know about eachother before. This happens when a partner wasn't completely honest about who he is, self-marketed himself too much and ended up pretending to be someone he's not. Aside from that, we are also relearning things about eachother, now that we have matured and changed overtime. As you can see, a relationship is a 24/7 hardwork and acceptance.
Living-in with my boyfriend made me realize a lot of things. I would like to impart them with you, hoping that you can learn from it as I enumerate what I think are the top 6 common mistakes young couples do:
1. You Don't know yourself enough
This is the most important thing you should work on before getting yourself into a relationship. Get a life! Get to know yourself first before trying to get to know someone else. How can you share a life with someone when you yourself doesn't have one? Make your partner experience the life that you have, as you experience the life that she has in return.
2. You Don't Express Your Expectations
Don't deny it, all of us have expectations from each other. Sad to say, failed relationships are mostly because of expectations which wasn't met by the other. To avoid this problem, make it a point that you always discuss the expectations you have for eachother. I don't see this as being demanding but it's being open to your partner as to how you expect things to happen. Communication is always a key to understand eachother better and avoid disappointments.
3. The Blame Game
People, please be ashamed of yourself when you do this! Whether you're the guy or the girl in the relationship, please have the balls to admit your fault. We are not kids anymore, be mature enough and accept the things you did wrong. If you let your partner feel like he/she is at fault for the wrong things you did, then you are just creating more hurt instead of actually trying to fix things.
4. Piled Up Issues
Piled up issues happen when couples lack communication, and as I've said earlier communication is the key to understand eachother better. It's just so bad for the relationship when you bring up things to your partner only when you are already fighting, things your partner doesn't even know it was a problem in the first place. Piled up issues also happen if you don't reach out to your partner and clarify past wrong doings. Not saying anything and choosing to keep quiet about it will not help at all. It will forever be an unfinished business for the both of you.
5. Failing To Discuss Goals
For a couple that is in a serious relationship should be sharing goals by now. Don't expect your partner to know what your personal goals and goals for one another are. This is not a guessing game, be transparent with eachother. If let's say you have a life changing plan for the future that your partner doesn't totally agree with, then adjustments for both will happen. Bottomline, things like these should be discussed. Open up to your partner.
6. Money Issues
Well, who doesn't have this kind of issue? For a young couple like me and my boyfriend it is really hard for us to budget, especially now that we are starting a family. We have different priorities now as compared before when we we're just dating. We're paying a place we just bought, along with that are bills, not to mention the baby we are expecting soon. We have to give up things like shopping, fancy dates, and believe me there are a lot more. And as a couple it is important that both of you are open as to where your money goes.
I hope this helped a lot of young couples out there. Always remember to communicate and make it a habit to open up with your partner. If something bothered you, speak up! It won't hurt to tell your partner how you feel, and trust me this will be the start of a healthy relationship.
